​"You Say Goodbye, The Sun Goes Down”

 A review of the 2024 Amy Winehouse film “Back to Black”
​from a Biodynamic psychotherapeutic perspective

Amy Winehouse, "Back to Black"

​“We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times…”  

​As a human being, I have been in the situation of feeling “He’s killed me…”. Amy Winehouse, played beautifully by Marisa Abela, speaks these words from her heart, feeling utterly abandoned by Blake, in the 2024 biographical film of her life, "Back to Black".

Perhaps I’ve been in the other place too, of abandoning someone and leaving them feeling like I have killed them. Strong words… and yet, these things happen... people react, close their hearts and leave, and the people they leave also react, and feel destroyed.

Amy speaks straight into these places of raw feeling and deep, unconscious reaction, with her heart fully engaged in her music. Through her music and life, we feel all the tragedy and waste, “me and my head high and my tears dry… get on without my guy… you went back to what you knew... I’ll go back to black…”, especially as her life spirals into addiction and early death. We watch as Amy tumbles headlong into the turmoil of her dreams for love, marriage, family and relationship with “her Blakey”, ultimately un-achievable and insurmountable.

Bless Amy’s love for Blake, it’s a sacred love, and the pain she feels is universal. ​

And all the time, there is something earlier that is underlying, seemingly buried by both the film and by Amy herself: the nagging reality, less romantic, of difficult relationships with close caregivers. Amy’s loss of her Nan, the intimate relationship with her Nan, cuts into her reality and Amy doesn’t seem to survive this. She disintegrates into her coping strategies, previously successful: sublimation into her music and displacement into her love for her Blakey. Amy’s Nan gently telling her, “oh, I’m sorry. You liked him, didn’t you?” And Amy, simply being heard, “Yes Nan, I quite liked him a very lot.”

---

To quote Thérèse de Lisieux, this love is a life path, but a narrow one, and hard to follow: une voie de confiance et d’amour dans la miséricorde et l'amour de Lui malgré mes pauvretés et mes propres misères. Mon coeur est tourné vers Lui. Et fait mon coeur est à Lui. 

It's a sacred path and it’s not impossible to heal from the pain of rejection, for life to return after death. Even with our parents. When our pure hearts meet with rejection, we are only meeting with the other's avoidance and inability to receive. The tender, young places in us trigger difficult responses in the other as we show the raw depth and intensity of our love. And vice versa, into a terrible downward cycle. This is why we spend so much energy repressing these feelings in the first place -- they are "trouble"! Amy says, "I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good." When we feel "he has killed me..." we long for the death, la miséricorde so exquisite that it feels that it can't be held and can only be submitted to. This points to confusion as to what is the truth at the heart of our original intentions. What plays out in this confusion can so easily, and routinely, take us to this place which feels so devastatingly and damagingly out of control. With therapy, this cycle can be seen, held and given space to change direction, and it can take us on a spiritual path towards perfection.

The work we do in biodynamic massage is to connect with the parts of us that are feeling things like Amy is feeling, deep and raw parts that are difficult to touch. The therapist’s touch gives the client access, in a safe way, to these tender parts, and this gives them space to feel and express their voice, and to be heard. With the therapist, we can listen to these hurting parts: feel them, hear them, let them speak. I remember many times in my own therapy being told, “let it speak", “let it cry”, and, “trust the process”. Yes, we can trust, it is difficult work to face these painful places, and oftentimes it feels impossible, we may feel numb to our feelings in a conscious way, after years of pushing them down, but give them space — they want to be heard and they will come. It’s a journey of self-love.

These words from a client speak to this journey:

Loving myself has meant loving the rejected parts, the parts I really hated, the parts I felt caused me so many problems throughout my life, those parts standing forlornly like little forest creatures in the edges of the glade of my consciousness, hiding behind the trees of my shadow self, only waiting for me to love and receive them, so they could emerge safely and be embraced by me! Bruised, fragile, shaking, cold, creeping and crippled little creatures, famished, ugly, unwanted, pushed away and rejected again and again… I finally managed to widen my heart enough to include all of them, broken and needy, and any more besides, including the whole world. 

RESOURCES

Amy Winehouse's Music 

www.amywinehouse.com/#music

Amy Winehouse Film 

Amy Winehouse “Back to Black”, 2024 : www.imdb.com/title/tt21261712/
Trailer : youtu.be/rYzIOBwyhIU?si=_LWThe1JLgKOnRHE
Director: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Writer: Matt Greenhalgh
Stars: Marisa Abela, Eddie Marsan, Jack O’Connell


THERAPY AND PLACES TO GET HELP

Books

“You Are The One You've Been Waiting For - Bringing Courageous Love To Intimate Relationships” by Dr Richard C. Schwartz : ifs-institute.com/store/37

“Partnering - A New Kind Of Relationship” by Drs. Hal Stone and Sidra Stone : delos-inc.com/store/par.php
“Embracing Each Other - Relationship As Teacher, Healer & Guide” by Drs. Hal Stone and Sidra Stone : delos-inc.com/store/eeo.php


Meditation

"Healing Addiction" by Jenna Riemersma :
insighttimer.com/jennariemersma/guided-meditations/healing-addiction


​MORE INFORMATION ABOUT BIODYNAMIC PSYCHOTHERAPY 

The biodynamic system was developed by Gerda Boyesen (1922-2005). Gerda devoted her life to its research and development, and her children Ebba and Mona Lisa followed her in this. Inspiration for the approach had its origins in the work of Wilhelm Reich and in the working practices of the Norwegian physiotherapy departments of the 1960s, in particular the inspired work of Lillemor Johnson.

​ 
Videos

Discussion of biodynamic massage by Lindsey Nicholas, Chair of ABMT : 
youtu.be/GkqTcqC4iqA

Interview between Biodynamic pioneers Rubens Kignel and Ebba Boyesen (eldest daughter of Gerda Boyesen) :
Part one :  youtu.be/c2AL7d9fhVw?si=KiyWid9sJwmKhBZZ
Part two :  youtu.be/c2AL7d9fhVw?si=x_c6poJX7E_mivYq

Interview with Carlien van Heel and Anat Ben-Israel from the London Centre for Body Psychotherapy : 
youtu.be/BzrILQ18QXE?si=Clia-nFvuaz2opy2
​

Find a biodynamic therapist, UK directories

www.abmt.org.uk/find-a-practitioner.html
 
centreforbodypsychotherapy.com/find-a-therapist


Article written by Ruthie Baigent, Vice Chair and Treasurer ABMT, April 2024 

If you have further resources, suggestions, or insights, please contact me, [email protected] and I can add these to the list, or comment below.

We are also seeking contributions to the ABMT blog both from members and from anyone else interested in joining the discussion, so please send all content and suggestions for content either to myself, or Lindsey Nicholas, [email protected]